i like it when God smiles

just returned from my jaunt to singapore and I feel wonderful. although I will candidly admit the vacation wasn’t all that relaxing, it was spiritually stirring and extraordinarily simple. I consider myself very religious [but not over fervent] and the thought of God smiling at me relaxes me instantaneously. I have never seen God; don’t think I will this lifetime. I love gazing at pictures of Shiva smiling, Krishna playing the flute or Jesus with arms stretched out – rather than an enraged Kali or a Jesus on the cross. the thought of a smiling God makes me feel at ease and my prayers are heartfelt and readily forthcoming.

this last outing to singapore lasted 13 days and I say I have been to the temples there each and every day – sometimes more than just once a day. I spent over 2 hours at the temple on most of my visits. people have a propensity to pray more when they are in need of something and I am no exception to this. I won’t be a charlatan and claim something else. I feel there are pressing issues in my life and my anxiety seems to find no boundaries. monica had scheduled her blood tests [unintentionally, when I was away at singapore] and I was desperately keen to ascertain everything was perfectly ok and normal.

I was praying both monica and the baby are normal – with no problems relating to HIV, hepatitis B, haemoglobin etc.  when you are apprehensive, your mind has the ability to think of the pits and plays out unworkable situations and combinations from where you could or might have contracted some spiteful virus or disease. I am super special though. my mind plays everything in digital colour with dolby 5.1 – especially when I am sleeping. people call them nightmares, not me. I call it hyper extensible, perverted mind syndrome. 

a pin/needle prick I had encountered in a cinema at melbourne, without more ado, flickers in my mind and I begin to summon up everything in detail including the day it happened - the 12th august 1997. the genius in me rallies to find all possible state of affairs including the possibility of that needle having HIV in its tip. fortunately, the results for the two sets of blood tests carried out on monica conclusively prove everything is perfectly ok and normal with her and the baby. monica even listened to the baby’s heartbeat.

I believe God deliberately put me through this unpleasant ordeal to teach me something focal. I have never felt love for monica like I felt when I was away at singapore. above all, the trip taught me how to breathe deeper, talk less and concentrate better. the spiritual rewards were a lot more than what I experienced over the past few years. there goes my anxiety down the drain.

photos from singapore trip are [here].